where have you been?

you don’t wanna talk to me. so I write everything (or a few things) here that I wish I could tell you, hoping that one day, your curiosity will bring you to read this. and…that maybe one day you’ll care enough to see my worth and the value of my love.

maybe you see me as weak for expressing myself like this. but I just see myself as human. and alone. so..call me what you want. but I know that I’m simply a loving ass woman named Shelby.

i miss him.

kinda a lot. it’s hard to move on when you have had the idea that you were gonna be with this person for the long run for so long. ugh. my feelings just grew so much so fast. 

i just still remember him saying he would never give up on us. that he wouldn’t be the one to let go. that he loved me. that i was beautiful and made him happy. 

i remember holding hands, cuddling, kissing, smiling, his butt (lol), how happy he made me, the way he held me the last night we spent together, how close he was to me, him saying that it wasn’t something we should let go.

but he let me go. i’m seeing that this is a good thing though. but it still hurts. i still wish that he would’ve been able to grow with me. and that we didnt hurt each other so badly. i think after i spend some time alone, i will be ready to do this with someone. .build them up and demand that they treat me right and have an awesome relationship. but will he? i doubt it. he’s too focused on finding a replacement. but that’s all she or whoever else is. she isn’t me. i just hope he sees that and sees that he will not find someone who compares to me so long as he doesn’t address his own issues. 

i wish he would’ve opened up to me more. i wish he really thought of me as his friend. i wish…that there was a point when i was truly the only one. i wish i wish i wish. done wishing. 

i will have someone who loves me and supports me all the time and doesn’t need anyone else. i will be strong and confident the next time i let a man in my life.